Marry...Married....Marriage...

I got nothing to post, so i thought of posting about marriages. here are some facts you need to know about marriages, and getting married....MARRIAGE - A contract made in due form of law, by which a free man and a free woman reciprocally engage to live with each other during their joint lives, in the union which ought io exist between husband and wife. By the terms freeman and freewoman in this definition are meant, not only that they are free and not slaves, but also that they are clear of all bars to a lawful marriage.

Marriage. The percentage of men and women who are married declined modestly between 1991 and 2001. This trend was also evident among parents: 92 percent of resident fathers were married in 1991, compared to 88 percent in 2001; 75 percent of resident mothers were married in 1991, compared to 72 percent in 2001.Poor men and women were the least likely of any income group to be married, with the proportion married increasing as income increases. For example, 41 percent of poor men were married in 2001, compared to 66 percent of men with incomes at three or more times the poverty level. The marriage gap was even wider for women. Only about one in every three poor women is married, while about two of every three women with incomes at three or more times the poverty are married. This difference undoubtedly reflects both the more advantaged backgrounds of those who marry, and the advantages of having multiple earners in the family that marriage can bring. The percentage of poor men and women who are married has also been declining over the decade.

TIPS ON MARRIAGE FOR LIFE
If marriage is to be a part of intrinsic faith, a lifelong commitment, what does that mean in practice?
1. We must accept living in conflict with our culture; accept living out of style. Commitment to marriage runs counter to the pursuit of self-satisfaction in many instances.
2. Our marriage must become a chief occupation, rather than just a status. We have to think about our marriage: What is happening between my spouse and I? Are we becoming emotionally distant, or is conflict rising to uncontrollable proportions? What should we do about it? Are we experiencing joy and pleasure together? Marriage requires periodic evaluation.
3. Along with evaluation comes adjustments. When it is clear that adjustment must be made, we have to be willing to do whatever is necessary. That means that sometimes we have to sacrifice something we feel is valuable: possibly a job, time doing something we like, or a relationship. Phrases like, "go for it", and "you have to be happy yourself" have come to represent what people believe in today. Sacrifice isn't a word that you hear a lot. But it is more relevant to marriage as the Bible defines it. I'm reminded of my father, who several years ago decided to end a satisfying and enjoyable career in business to become a full-time caretaker for my mother when she developed serious, chronic health problems. He has never regretted it.
4. Marriages have to be protected. We have to limit, avoid, or give up anything that would threaten the marriage. For some, it may mean giving up golf, going to the bar with single friends, or working with a co-worker who is getting too close. It is easy for other things and relationships to become more attractive than marriage at times. Marriage isn't just loving. It is parenting, paying bills, and caring for property as well, all of which can become mundane and draining.
5. Love for spouse must be developed. Love is an investment in a person. This is best demonstrated by Christ's relationship with people. We must be willing to invest time and effort in our spouse, providing what they need rather than what we want to give them. Love doesn't come so much from the attractiveness of an individual as it does from what you invest in them. Each person has their own unique needs, and we need to know what our spouse's needs are. When people "fall out of love", they have usually stopped investing in their mate.
6. Forgiveness is essential. We inevitably fail and do wrong things. Because of the intensity of the marriage relationship, one spouse can fail another in a big way, and many times over. How often and for how bad a failure should we forgive? How often and for how bad a failure has Christ forgiven us? Of all things necessary for lasting marriage, I believe this is the most critical. We must be willing to recover from hurt without resentment.
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God intended marriage to show us our limitations.
Among other things, I think God intended marriage to show us our limitations, make us dependent on him, and to focus our minds on enduring truths rather than the whims of contemporary society. The possibility that maybe more than one out of two marriages still endures is a hopeful realization. Yet, even a 25% failure rate is cause for concern, especially when it appears that younger people must deal with less favorable odds. Perhaps the numbers serve to remind us that marriage is not easy. Marriage is like a long mountain bike race. I never feel like I have mastered a course when I'm done. I am acutely aware of my limitations, my need for sustenance, and I'm thankful that I have finished. Marriages endure or come to an end for reasons. We need to devote ourselves not just to our spouse, but to those things that make marriage last.
DON'T BELIEVE THE (US) DIVORCE STATISTICSWHY YOUR MARRIAGE HAS BETTER THAN A 50/50 CHANCE
Half of all marriages end in divorce. We know this to be true because people tell us. The media report it. Your pastor might preach it. Your friends talk about it. As one expert puts it, the statistic has become "part of American folklore."But it's a lie. Repeat after me: Fifty percent of all marriages do not end in divorce.If it's untrue, why won't that flawed statistic go away? Because, truth be told, no one can come up with the right statistic.Recent research suggests that one marriage in four is closer to the true divorce rate. The 50-percent myth originated a couple of decades ago when someone looked at marriage and divorce numbers reported by the National Center for Health Statistics. The number of divorces in one year was precisely half the number of marriages. Voila! Half of all marriages end in divorce. Right? Nope.With this kind of math, we also could reason that everyone born this year also will die this year. After all, the number of births each year roughly equals the number of deaths. The flawed reasoning is obvious: A lot of people are alive who neither were born nor died this year. You very likely are one of them. Similarly, the divorce statisticians forgot to figure in the marriages already in existence, of which there are, oh, tens of millions.

TOGETHER THROUGH THICK AND THIN: A multinational picture of long-term marriagesSharlin, Kaslow and Hammerschmidt (2000) conducted a unique study of nonclinical couples from eight countries (United States, Canada, Israel, Chile, Germany, Netherlands, Sweden, and South Africa) who had been married (or living together in the case of Sweden) for at least 20 years. Apart from making cross-cultural comparisons, the researchers had a number of aims reflecting their family therapy orientation. These were: to identify which attributes of lasting marriages contribute to their capacity to weather the inevitable marital storms; to examine how various socio-demographic variables (such as ethnicity, religion, culture, and socio-economic status) influence couples; and to inform practitioners of ways in which marriages can be supported and improved.The total of 610 couples married (or living together) for between 20 and 46 years was obtained largely via the authors' networking. Almost all couples were over the age of 45 years and were approaching either the empty-nest years or retirement. The authors acknowledge the limitations of their study due to their sample being largely middle to upper-middle class, although the findings suggest that long-term satisfying marriages are not dependent on wealth.Unlike the other studies discussed in this paper, participants were not interviewed. Rather, they completed an extensive battery of questionnaires covering each person's family background, relationship history, parents and marital relationships, ratings of marital adjustment, problem solving, communication, reasons for staying married, and ingredients for marital satisfaction. Early in their analyses the researchers determined that there was no need to structure comparisons according to sample characteristics since the differences in the samples across countries were small and unimportant.At least some aspects of creating and maintaining lasting and satisfactory marriages appear to be independent of culture or geography. Love, mutuality and sharing emerged as bases of the respondents' long-term marital satisfaction, and a number of qualities such as mutuality of trust, respect, support and give and take, sharing of values, beliefs (including religion), interests, philosophies, fun and humour, all arose consistently across cultures.Motives for staying together at the time of their interview clearly revolved around commitment to the marital partnership and love for their spouse, whereas when times were tough staying together for the children and honouring the commitment to the lifelong partnership were prime motivators. In a further comparison of three of the motives (the reason for selecting these three in particular is not explained) it emerges that children play a role in warding off divorce when couples are unhappy, while lifestyle and love are less important. At the other end of the spectrum, extremely happy couples stay together out of their love for their partner; lifestyle and love are important for very happy couples; and children, lifestyle and love are salient motivators for happy couples.An unassailable belief in and commitment to the institution of marriage and to their spouse was especially apparent with respect to why couples stayed together during difficult times, and in the majority of cases this commitment was underpinned by their religious affiliation and beliefs. In referring to very difficult times in their relationship, most couples, whether currently happy or unhappy, reported that honouring their commitment to a lifelong partnership and their sense of responsibility towards their children were the prime reasons for seeing the marriage or relationship through the stressful periods. Satisfied couples also cited the motivating power of their love for their spouse or partner, but for dissatisfied couples forces external to the couple such as children and religious beliefs exerted greater influence on their decision to remain in the marriage.That the rankings of ingredients for relationship satisfaction and the motives for staying together during difficult times were very similar across nations contributes further to the notion of the universal nature of the attributes of lasting marriages. In addition, satisfaction with the marriage was predicted in all countries only by various couple relationship quality variables (such as closeness, communication, affection expression etc), whereas overall life satisfaction was predicted by dimensions such as employment, length of marriage, health, and economic status, as well as closeness.Even though respondents' marriages had been maintained for very long periods, couples were not unaware of some deficiencies in their relationship. Couples' rankings of the desired ingredients of their relationship were quite different from those they regarded as currently extant in their relationship. Components of relationship dynamics reflecting the original declaration of love, and the behaviours that contribute to intimacy were endorsed as ideal relationship characteristics that were to some extent deficient in their relationship: patience and understanding, mutual sexual fulfilment, and sensitivity and consideration for spouse's needs.

FOR KEEPS: MARRIAGES THAT LAST A LIFETIME
There must be a similarity of values, backgrounds and interests as a way to prevent or ameliorate discord, especially in relation to children and parenting. A successful marriage will be characterised by love, regard and mutual respect that go beyond sexual desire and contribute to an intimacy that can only be developed over time. Don't look for, or try to create, the perfect spouse. Take the time to get to really know your spouse's character before marrying them - and then make a serious commitment to the development of a long-term marriage. Communicate openly and honestly but tactfully, even and especially during those times when communicating is most difficult. Show a willingness to compromise, to negotiate and to share responsibilities, realising that you won't always be giving and taking in equal measures but that over time it will balance out.
LASTING MARRIAGES: MEN AND WOMEN GROWING TOGETHER
'There is a growing together . . . like a tree around a boulder underneath the ground. The root eventually goes around it.' In broad terms spouses' satisfaction with their marriage was not related to their sex or their age, to how many years they had been married, or how many children they had. Social demographic characteristics had minor effects. Husbands tended to be more positive about the relationship than wives, although wives reported both positives and negatives. Satisfaction was higher for those with less education and for those in the higher and lower versus the middle income brackets.
TIL DEATH DO US PART': How couples stay together
Couples identified several characteristics that, as well as being important to the marriage overall, were equally valued by husbands and wives. The following were reported by the spouses independently as the 'top seven' reasons for their marital success:spouse as best friend; liking spouse as a person; marriage as a long term commitment; marriage as a sacred institution; agreement on aims and goals; spouses becoming more interesting to each other; wanting the relationship to succeed.

10 GOOD REASONS MARRIAGE WORKS
(1) It's safer: Marriage lowers the risk that both men and women will become the victims of violence, including domestic violence.
(2) It can save your life: Married people live longer and healthier lives and the power of marriage is particularly evident in late middle age. Nine out of 10 married men and women alive at 48 will make it to 65 against six out of 10 unmarried men and eight out of 10 unmarried women.
(3) It can save your child's life: Children lead healthier, longer lives and tend to stay out of trouble if parents get and stay married.
(4) You will earn more: Men today tend to think of marriage as a consumption item but a vast body of scientific literature suggests that for men especially marriage is productive - as important as education in boosting earnings.
(5) You'll be richer: Married people not only make more money, they manage money better and build more wealth together than either would alone.
(6) You'll tame him/her: Marriage increases sexual fidelity. Cohabiting men are four times more likely to cheat than husbands and cohabiting women eight times more likely to cheat than wives.
(7) You'll stay sane: Marriage is good for mental health. Married men and women are less depressed, less anxious and less psychologically distressed than singles, the divorced or widowed.
(8) It will make you happy: Overall, 40 per cent of married people, compared with about 25 per cent of singles or cohabitors, say they are "very happy" with life in general.
(9) Your children will love you more: Adult children of intact marriages keep more regular contact with their parents than do those of divorced or cohabiting couples. And they are far more likely themselves to marry for life.
(10) You'll have better sex, more often: Despite the lurid Sex in the City marketing that promises singles erotic joys untold, both husbands and wives are more likely to report that they have an extremely satisfying sex life than are singles or cohabitors.